9 things I've noticed

Glaringly self indulgent I'm afraid, but for the sake of remembering how pessimism is born in totalitarian regimes --

1. When I speak with Burmese in Thailand I lower my voice.

2. When I mention "the lady" I find it difficult to say her full name because I'm scared someone is listening.

3. I get defensive and angry when tourists tell me that "I didn't expect this country to be so nice.. and calm."

4. I am sarcastic beyond belief about government.

5. I don't feel I have anything to say when people ask me about the "commercialization of media" or "the crisis of democracy in the UK" or give me lectures on how I should write more about the Millennium Development Goals- how can we have a discussion about these things when basic freedom of speech and individual freedoms are not guaranteed here?

6. I lose my temper every single Saturday night when before publication the press scrutiny board returns our newspaper with red pen marks through the most interesting and important news of the week.

7. The last time I cried was over an article in the Nepali Times about a journalist hacked to death in January for reporting on land seizure.

8. I envy Chinese journalists their freedom.

9. Deep down I cannot fathom how things are ever going to change for the better.